Routine vs. Rhythm

A routine is rigid, a rhythm is responsive. 

 I found myself searching Pinterest for the perfect daily schedule for my child.  There were so many thought-out and informative posts.  I generally adjusted the "schedule" to support my daily needs as well as catering to the developmental norms of my child.  We trialed .......and then we errored.  I would just go with the flow for a week or two, spiral by my lack of productivity, and resume the search for a schedule that fit "us".  

Here is what I learned.  

Life gets in the way!  And toddlers are very unpredictable.  We have to be flexible and adaptive as parents, yet always going with the flow can leave us directionless.  I live in a  space of survival when I lack direction, and I would really like to be thriving instead of surviving.  Toddlers, and humans alike, thrive on routine because its predictable.  When you know what the day looks like, it reduces the mental load by creating a sense of autopilot.  

How can we create an autopilot routine while allowing for the flexibility of real life?

We create a daily rhythm instead of a strict schedule or routine. 

This is why it is working for us.

1) Rhythm honors real life

(Have a toddler who struggles with sleep?? This one is for you!)

Rhythm allows for 

• late mornings
• short (or no) naps
• off days
• BIG FEELINGS

Instead of feeling like you "failed the routine", a rhythm says "We will find our next anchor". Its not time based, its body based. 

2) Rhythm reduces decision fatigue

Creating a system of autopilot reduces the mental load of making multiple daily decisions. It creates a sense of predictability and frees up the brainspace to think about other things. (like what,s for dinner haha!) We all thrive on routine because of that reason.  Its not about being mindless or thoughtless, but about freeing up space to be present!! Thats a win-win

Rhythm helps because

• you dont have to plan every minute
• you just ask "what kind of play or energy comes next?"
• you don't need all the toys out at once, just what fits the moment
• it creates more PRESENCE!!

This supports a shift towards a simpler way to play, and fewer materials, a less overstimulating environment, and easier clean up. 

3) Rhythm supports regulation (for kids and adults)

Kids regulate through movement, play, repetition, and sensory input. 

A rhythm

• anticipates dysregulation
• builds in recovery
• allows repetition without pressure
• is responsive instead of reactive

Routine can feel like control, while a rhythm can feel like safety

4) Rhythm leaves room for learning through trail + error 

Learning best happens in a low pressure supportive environment where one can safely explore the cause and effect of our decisions.  This applies to all of us as humans no matter the age.  

With rhythm

• Playtime can run long when its working
• You can abandon something thats not landing
• There's no "behind" or "off schedule"

This mirrors how we learn, by testing, adjusting and repeating

5) Rhythm is easier to sustain long-term

Routines are great, and often work......until they don't or there is a big disruption. As adults we can feel the pressure of trying to "get back on track" or having to make tomorrows list bigger.  Then there is the mental load of having to re-prioritize tasks as the schedule undergoes adjustment. 

Rhythm adapts with

• developmental changes
• seasons of life
• energy shifts
• mental load

This is why a rhythm is more sustainable----and simply put, it's kinder!

Here is what our little rhythm looks like:

• wake and eat
• big play 30-60 minutes (think big movements, crawling, jumping, dancing, outside time, slides, swings, climbing...big movement is regulating so why not start the day regulated!!)
• focued play 10-20 minutes (After regulation comes a little more structure, this could be in the form of learning a new puzzle, letters or sounds, or reading a book.  This list goes on but attention will always follow regulation so why not capitalize on it)
• independent play 10-30 minutes (Now the child can build on what they just learned, experiment by trying new things in a low pressure environment, or move on to a different activity of their choice.  This frees up some space for the parent too.  Give the child space to be unstructured for a while, learning on their own will build their confidence and help innoculate some against anxiety, but thats another post for another day)

Wash rinse repeat.  This has been working great for us, and it's easy to adjust depending on the day.